Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
