I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
