Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
