Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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