New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
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I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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