I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
