I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
