worst night to have a conscience
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
