You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
