she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
