and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
