i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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