Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
