PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Randomize
