Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
