it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
