Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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