I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I lost the right to judge tonight
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
