The maid of honor just puked.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
