bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
