I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
