You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
