You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
