i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
