i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize