dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
