He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
