she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
