the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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