You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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