Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
