It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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