She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
In America we eat man semen.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
