I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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