the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
