what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
