not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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