I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
