The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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