Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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