I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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