No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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