i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize