google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
only you would photoshop your dick
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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