god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
How external is "for external use only"?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
