How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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