I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
