And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
