My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
