i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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