I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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