Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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