I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
