dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
