I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
