it was like his penis was on wheels.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize