Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
