soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
