John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Dick very happy bro
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