its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
