Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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