we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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