Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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