It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
home. puking in laundry basket.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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