I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
