The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
