Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize