yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
