dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
