dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
there's paper in my vomit.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
