how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
