Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
