My cat gives me a boner
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
