just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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