I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
