So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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