so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
40s are totally the cure
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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