Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
