a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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