My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
my being single is dangerous.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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