If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
