evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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